I have become reaquainted with the concept of what prayer can actually do.
My institute teacher Wednesday night stated, "I truly believe that prayer has much greater power than we realize or use it for. I believe it can do so much for us if we utilized it as it is meant to be utilized. I truly believe that."
And so do I.
I'd been struggling struggling struggling, and trying and trying and trying to make things right. It wasn't working.
Finally, one night on my knees, I gave up. Looking back I'm like, "Oh... Step 1... why didn't I do that sooner?!" I asked the Lord for the specific thing I wanted most. I pleaded. I begged. I felt shame in asking for what I wanted, but I felt it was my last option. That, or make a really big messy inconvenient change in my life that I really didn't want to do, but was about to do out of desperation. But first, I finally asked Heavenly Father for help. That night things began to go more different than usual. The next day things were even better. The next day, at the temple, I felt everything suddenly feel right and at peace again. And it's been absolutely fantastic ever since. But I am still praying specifically, in all aspects, and continually finding more ways I can pray.
Help me focus on what matters above all else, including other people.
Please soften the hearts of others toward me. Please save these relationships and help us recognize truth vs lies among us, in the midst of moments that count.
Help me say only things I really mean, and out of actual care and concern for the other person, UNlaced with ulterior motives, not really just trying to get my own needs met. Help me recognize selfishness in my affections and service, and help me to serve others out of genuine desire for others' welfare.
Help me feel important without needing other people to validate me ALL the time. Help me see my beauty, my strength, and help me recognize the goodness in myself. Help me have the desire to stand tall, head held high, pleased with my gifts and talents and abilities Thou bestowed upon me, willing and wanting to share them and lift others.
Help me remember all these good things are because of Christ, not me. Not me. Help me think of Him. Help me remember Him. Help me know He's there and a part of my life, when I otherwise might forget.
...
Etc. This past week has been far different from the past 3 months. My appetite is back to normal. I can sleep at night. I can concentrate/focus for the most part. I'm not a constant hot mess, crying all the time, wishing I could move on to the next life.
Prayer. It's working for me.
