Shameless Saturday Hike

Yesterday I went on a hike with some of my singles ward.  I'm athletic and love hiking, and I'm never the last person. But, I stayed up by the waterfalls longer with 3 other people and by the time we came back where the others were gathered, we realized they had started back already on the trail to our cars. So we quickly started back. The guy I was with took the lead at high speed, and the other two girls and myself were panting and sweating and trying to keep up, making him stop for breathers every 7 minutes or so. Not fun. I felt exhausted and dreaded knowing I still had a long hike back. I hadn't slept well, I was hot and hungry, and I couldn't keep up without feeling knives in my sides and panting like a dog.  So guess what I did?

I realized there was no rule that said I had to keep up with the other three. I realized I could slow down to my own comfortable pace, and actually enjoy my hike.  So, I slowed down and let the rest jet ahead of me, which they continued to do. In a couple minutes I couldn't see them anymore. I didn't even care they left me behind, because I decided to enjoy nature for just me, and my soul.  My joy didn't depend on their actions, or my efforts to fit in.  Journal! I let go of worrying about what others would think of me! Instead I listened to my feelings, and gave myself what I wanted and needed, and I let that hold importance.  I felt incredible.

I took time to look at the trees and scenery, I enjoyed my steps through the dirt trail, noticing flowers and plants, picking leaves and feeling their textures. I never would have done this before. I wouldn't have even seen it as an option.

About 15 minutes later I caught up with my friend and the other girls because they stopped and waited for me. Once I reached them, he took off again, fast as before, and I remained at my same delightful pace. No. Shame. :) He finally turned around and decided to hike behind me. He asked gently, "Don't like to hike fast?"

I simply stated, "I just decided I'd rather enjoy my hike than spend it just trying to catch my breath."  (Yep, I SAID that. . . . *giggle*)

"Oh, okay," was his reply.  Foot steps thump in the dirt.  "They'll probably wait for us.  Right?"

"They better." 

Okay yeah, I had realized our rides would be at the bottom waiting even longer for us. Of course that crossed my mind as I analyzed before slowing down. Where did my actual responsibilities belong in this situation? Nobody told me how long they wanted to stay, or what time they wanted to leave. My ride didn't come tell me that they were headed back and would like to leave soon and would like me to come sooner than later. I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't stay up there an unusual amount of time - we thought our ward was still on the ridge below us the whole time we were up by the falls, but it turned to be another group. And they wouldn't actually have to wait THAT much longer for us. Maybe 20 minutes at most, so I'm not being inconsiderate by slowing down just a little bit. Right? :)

Lots of analyzing and anxiety.  That's part of what I deal with right now and I'm working with it.  Learning lots.  So, that was a very big moment for me where I saw a major change in myself for the healthier and happier. Thanks Heavenly Father.